Sunday, September 16, 2012

Hi, my name is Liz and I have an autoimmune disease.

There. I said it. I won't say that I've been denying it for the past 5 years, but I certainly have been pretending that it's not a big deal. But it is. It is a big deal. My doctor told me when I was diagnosed 5 years ago that once you are damaged, you're always damaged. I knew he was right, but it's taken me since then to really understand what those words meant. Always damaged.

Over the years my way of eating has changed, and continues to. I started out going for organics, not really understanding why people needed to replace their pizza with gf pizza. But then the realization that this is for life sets in, and you really need pizza. So I then went into eating various gf substitutions, most of which I made myself because they were all gross.

After seriously resisting being "Paleo", I've come to the conclusion that I just need to stop fighting. Sometimes I wish I was that person who can just eat whatever they want in sheer ignorant bliss. But then I stop and think, no, I'm not. I don't want to be that person, I am just seriously jealous of their seemingly rock solid guts. But I've been feeling like I got taken out with last week's garbage for 2 weeks now. And at some point, I had to realize that my body isn't what it was. I can't eat what I could before and not pay for weeks to come.

Always damaged.

It was chilly and rainy here in Raleigh today, so a nice beef stew sounded like a nice way to end the day. Well, I should say goat stew, since I didn't have any beef stew meat. So into the slow cooker it goes!

I put the following in the cooker:
one onion
one green pepper
2 beef soup bones (stock is healing! don't throw away the bones!)
1 lb of stew goat meat
a good bit of salt, pepper and garlic
a couple sprigs of dried thyme
covered with water

Yep, we're that complex around here. Even my son, the picky 7 year old, asked how to make the broth because it was that good.

Sometimes, it's the simple small things that not only taste good, but feel good. Today is that day I stop resisting. I just hope at some point, I can get those words out of my head. I don't particularly like thinking of myself as damaged.


aseafish said...

I don't know which thought bothers me more: damaged or always. I agree wholeheartedly, though. It gets harder as it sinks in over the years that this is for life, really for life. It's not a side-trip into a different way of eating; it's permanent. Ugh!

I know, too, how you feel about resisting. I often just don't want to admit any of it, especially to myself. Thanks for sharing this.

And that goat stew sounds WAY better than pizza.

gfbaker said...

Thanks for your words of support! I love that-- "it's not a side-trip into a different way of eating." I'm going to use that!

I've always minimized my auto-immune issues in comparison to other things, but I think in the process I just minimized it too much. Time to own it and move on.